Kaiin and the local area

A complete guide to Kaiin compiled with assistance from the Chamber of Commerce, sundry Boards of Trade, Guilds and other interested individuals is currently in production. Progress reports will be issued by Pelgrane Press at http://www.dyingearth.com/coming.htm who act as agents of the City in this matter. In the interim all bodies concerned prevailed upon The Scholasticarium to provide some details for visitors, whether traders or those travelling for their health.

Those arriving by boat must deal with port officials promptly and effectively. The governance of Kaiin results in considerable expenditure by Prince Kandive the Golden. One source of funds is a tariff charged on all goods landed in Kaiin whether brought in from by sea or down river. At one point the whole matter was co-ordinated by Verein, Pontificator Maximus of the Orgulous Objugatory. He controlled a hereditary guild of Customs Officials headed by a Grand Tribune, seconded by his Gofar who in turn commands the six Pentarches of the service. It is these who with their five-tiered hats in a nautical blue, each resplendent with the orange plume and gilded pendant of their guild, actually board the ships to collect the revenue. Each year they deliver with due ceremony a chest containing a number of terces (the actual sum is unknown but much discussed) to the Prince. In return for these monies the guild members are allowed to collect tolls on both Scaum and Derna, wear their guild colours in civic parades, and charge a tax of 30 terces on every deodand carried through the streets of Kaiin in daylight. Currently the Guild is headed by the Tumbling Tarjun Brothers, hereditary Clowns and moonlighting confidence tricksters. The Tarjun Brothers are the sons of Pekel Tarjun who married the only daughter of Histuin, previous hereditary Head of the Guild of Customs Officials. On Histuin's sad demise the headship automatically devolved upon the Tarjun Brothers, who diligently fulfil their functions both as clowns and customs officials. Whilst the collecting of customs dues has become somewhat more erratic, if not to say distinctly eccentric ( traders have on occasion been fined for having the wrong sort of laugh or too dour a demeanour) the Guild's participation in civic parades is now much welcomed and even their detractors freely admit that the Tarjun Brothers have made great progress in enlivening that portion of their responsibilities.

Kandive also employs two Customs Officers, Massel and his understudy Gudge, attired in frock coats and tall, brimless hats of midnight blue, each with a white cockade pinned to them. The pin has an anchor and knout motif. Although they are wonderfully industrious and of unimpeachable integrity, two individuals are hardly sufficient for the task. These two are also somewhat less than intelligent and extremely gullible. Their posts were created when Kandive accepted a legacy from 'The Society for the Protection of the Original and Pure Customs of Kaiin', requiring that he take steps to prevent the importation of such contraband as was felt would undermine the morals and ancient customs of Kaiin. The Officers work with a will at this task, receiving only token remuneration from the Prince (who is said to spend the rest of the legacy on maintaining his pleasure boat). Despite their being hand-picked by the Prince, Massel and Gudge are unfortunately exhibit such loyal dullness that Kaiin no longer imports alcohol, narcotics or erotic etchings, although there is an almost insatiable market for assorted substances required for medicinal purposes together with reams of material for study by those interested in both the fine and medicinal arts.

Traders are also advised not to attract the attention of Jigor, man-servant to the Customs Officers. He is himself an officer of the Green Legion, constantly alert for anything that smacks of demonology. If his suspicions are aroused then the matter is dealt with expeditiously by senior associates of Valdaran The Just. The bold and clever trader, on approaching Kaiin, will wait until the wind is of optimum strength and direction, set all sail and drive in with all possible speed towards the mouth of the Scaum. By the time he is clear of the bar the various Port Officials are likely still to be arguing precedence and in some cases may not even may completed donning their ceremonial costumes. Such a course of action is not without risks. It is said that should Prince Kandive chance to be watching he may choose to use the incoming ship for a spot of thaumaturgical target practice, although this rumour is obviously false as to need not rebuttal here. Sandbars and floating debris also present hazards, and many a cargo has gone to enrich only the shorecombers. Then, of course, there is the problem of the ferry from Sfere. This has precedence over any craft sailing up or down the river so, when it crosses, they must ride at anchor, tempting the communities of wefkins who infest the lower reaches of the river to swarm aboard. The wefkins offer the useful service of repelling the local water elementals who would otherwise saturate the cargo and make it unsaleable. Any suggestion that these creatures collude with the ferry is denied hotly by both sides. Indeed, the ferrymen usually offer to buy part of the cargo from the ship's master while the wefkins are making their boarding attempt. The most cautious and knowing of traders will wait until the rise of one of the notorious Scaum fogs before deploying longboats using muffled oars and taking constant soundings to tow his vessel in to port. The wefkins remain a problem, but by and large the stratagem is successful, although some embarrassment may be caused should the fog lift suddenly. This method of approach has one small snag which is not apparent to most. River slugs rise from the river bed to mate when the miasma rolls down from the Porphiron Scar. They sometimes mistake river craft for coquettes, especially when the oar blades mimic the rising and falling of a female's flukes while in oestrus. It is merely scurrilous mendacious rumour which claims that many traders regard Val Ombrio as the most sensible port of entry for Almery and willingly haul their goods overland to the Scaum Valley rather than risk running the gauntlet of Kaiin's somewhat erratic officialdom.

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